I'm suddenly feeling really overwhelmed and I don't even know what's causing it. Probably just really stressed, but I also can't figure out why
that would be the case right now.
Normally I'd just blame my stress issues (I sometimes just get stressed out for no reason, so I always bring stress relievers with me) in this situation, but I... really don't think they're the cause this time.
It gets made worse by the fact not knowing why I feel like that is causing frustration, which adds to that overwhelmed feeling, and I just can barely even think right now. The heat is absolutely not helping (It's at a level where I, someone who still prefers long-sleeved shirts even in warmer weather, am wearing a T-Shirt with a very light jacket over it. It's unbearable and my laptop is
not having it),
the fact I haven't been sleeping all that well these past days probably isn't helping either, and nearly having panic attacks because of the bugs (fuck this time of year, there's nothing good about summer IMO) also isn't helping.
It's not like other emotions that cause me genuine mental pain lately like my internal conflicts, either. It's just randomly feeling overwhelmed and not knowing why, and I'm not even sure how to explain it to my parents right now.
I'd roleplay to try and get my mind off of things but none of the ones I'm active in on TCF are currently active (2 are waiting on someone with very inconsistent activity levels and the third is just suffering from timezones and schedules; the remaining RPs don't count because I'm either just spectating until I find a way to get back on track mentally or am not entirely motivated for), and I'm not sure if I could play Eivee right in the roleplay I'm in here at the moment.
And I keep being too nervous to try and revive one on Flight Rising that I really want to attempt to get going again. And I don't really want to join any new roleplays because keeping up with the ones I'm in is currently already a bit challenging, combined with A) Not being very confident in joining roleplays outside of TCF (I just tend to lose track too quickly), B) Preferring to use characters from my own worlds (Which would need me to explain those worlds, and differences in available BBCode on other sites would make putting my lore thread that explains at least some parts of them on those sites range from "really impractical" (PFQ, which uses hide tags instead of spoiler tags; Here, where I'm just not sure where I would put it; Xanje, where I also don't know where I'd put it) to "Literally fucking impossible" (Flight Rising, which doesn't have spoiler boxes but instead its spoiler tag just puts a black background around the text to hide it)), and C) Having somewhat specific preferences and interests towards which RPs I'm interested in to begin with (long story).
I'd work on one of my projects if I could decide which and if I wasn't feeling demotivated after a very long day.
My only real option left is reading a manga I picked up... last night... and I'm worried I'd just get bored.
Listening to music isn't really an option either, my wireless headphones aren't fully charged right now and my only available wired pair is at least a decade old, only has one working speaker (the right one, which to add insult to injury that ear kinda hurts for me right now and I don't want to play sound into that one too much. Yes, I am in fact too lazy to just wear my headphones backwards even though the shape they are (Headband) make that possible.), and has a volume limit that combined with the very noisy fan I'm using to make the heat a bit less unbearable means I can barely even hear the music through that one working speaker.
These "I hate literally everything, myself included" attacks are stupid and I want them to stop but I don't think they will until the summer is over.
On a related note I'd really appreciate it if the world's governments could stop focusing on who to kill for a year or two and deal with the global warming issue a bit better first. I miss when winters could have snowball fights here at a somewhat decent chance despite my area being under sea level.