NeriaLeander wrote:Okay, here we go...
I've self harmed for as long as I can remember. In the fifth grade I gave myself a black eye. In kindergarten I scratched myself until I bled. I started cutting in seventh grade; I started burning in eighth. I'm a junior in highschool now (11th grade), and I've been clean for a few weeks. For the first time, I'm making an effort to not fall back into my bad habits.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about two years ago.
I never cut for attention. Ever. I always hope that no one finds out. Sometimes they don't, sometimes they do. I've had to get 3 psychiatric evaluations at hospitals after being caught. A little over a year ago, they kept me in a psych ward for 11 days. It was life changing; I'm still in touch with the other girls who were locked in that hellhole with me. I got locked up for a suicide attempt. It was my seventh failed attempt in three years.
Cutting has always been a coping mechanism for me. I'd get it in my head that I needed to do it, and would become so desperate that I'd use anything; sewing needles, broken plastic, broken glass, kitchen knives, shaving razors, scissors. I'd use nail clippers on my wrists, I'd take razors out of pencil sharpeners; I was a mess. If there was nothing that I could use, I'd use my teeth and nails.
I'd post pictures of my cuts online and then read all of the terrible things people would say about me: "Cut deeper", "You should just drink bleach","Kill yourself". And then I'd cut some more.
I counted all my scars today. All 157 of them.
I'm so glad that I won't make anymore.
Quitting was hard. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But now, when I want to self-harm (this is so cliche smh) I'd just ask myself what Tyler Joseph would think, and I know he would be upset if anyone was self-harming. So I've stayed clean. For him. One day it will be for me, but right now it's for him.
Find your idol, someone you'd hate to make upset. Think about them when you want to self-injure, and hopefully you will find the strength to stop. I believe in all of you. If you need someone to talk to, please pm me, and hopefully I'll see it in time to help you. I know how hard it is, but you are stronger than you know. It's not your fault.
This post was beautiful and I just wanted to congratulate you in your success.
I self harm by form of cutting. I used to self harm because I was depressed and because my friends were doing it. I was in an abusive relationship and would do it for him as a statement of how devoted I was. A lot more crappy reasons were there, too when I was a teenager.
Now I do it because... I love the feeling. I love that it doesn't hurt that badly, just enough for an endorphin rush and I love the blood. I love touching it and seeing it. It reminds me that I'm alive and I have a life worth living for. It reminds me of all the good things I have and it releases a lot of built up tension that I can't express any other way. It also reminds me that I'm strong and in some ways, I'm proud of the scars. I think they're beautiful. It's also worth noting that I am in therapy and medicated. I still do this and talk about it in therapy.
But, that's just me. I believe if you're an adult you should be able to do what you want with your body. But if someone is self harming for negative reasons, they should try to overcome it. Release tension some other way and for sure seek out therapy and possibly medication. And in my opinion, doing it for attention is just crappy and annoying. Though, I do understand the feeling and have struggled with the same thing myself. I hate myself for it but I used to attention seek a lot online and stuff. It's no way to go.